A few weeks ago my little girl and I were sitting on the couch watching Mickey and the Roadster Racers. Now you’re going to sing that theme song if you’re a Mom, it’s just inevitable, so you’re welcome. She was super into though and I was was just sitting there next to her on my phone. I was exhausted, it was 4:45 and honestly, I was counting down the minutes for my husband to get home because well, I was just done. The next thing I knew, she was twisting the lid off of her sippy cup (new trick) and before I could stop her it was all over our new rug.
I lost it.
I mean it guys, I literally felt like I was going to lose my mind. We had already had about 23 of these accidents earlier in the day, along with another 12 temper tantrums and fights about why she can’t wear her snow suit in the 103 degree weather and honestly, I was done. I took a deep breath, collected my cool and tried my best at making the entire thing a teaching moment by having her help me clean it up. But the entire time I was muttering under my breath and just thinking about how I couldn’t handle this.
Finally, 5:15 and my husband walked through the door. You know that moment when honestly, you’ve never been more excited to see your husband. It used to be because well, you know you were cute and you missed him all day. Now it’s because well, I miss him, but because I need 5 minutes of me time to just pee, brush my hair, really anything.
Later that night I sat on the bed sobbing to him. I felt like I failure. I felt like I wasn’t being a good Mom to this sweet girl that honestly took us years to have. Yep, on came the Mom guilt and I couldn’t even stop it. Then the thoughts crept in, why couldn’t I just keep my cool? Why can’t I just be more patient, be more fun, take a step back. You know, the stupid mind games you play with yourself.
Well then it hit me. I need me time. I need to do something for me. Something that is just mine, that I can look forward to and recoup. So I made a game plan, told my husband what it was and he promised to help me make it happen. I was going to go to the gym everyday, for 45 minutes by myself and then I was going to go out one day a week, just me, maybe with a girlfriend, but only grown ups.
Guys, guess what? Being a little selfish was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I can actually breath. I can literally take a second, think about how I am going to react to a situation and make a game plan before I just lose my mind. Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t lose it–I absolutely do, we’re all going to at times. BUT I feel better, I feel so much better. I love my sweet girl more than words can even explain, but it’s good for my soul and my well being to make sure that well my “Mom bank” is being filled up. You have to do things for yourself. As Moms we are constantly doing things all day for everyone else that we honestly neglect our well being. Then before we know it, we are sobbing every night and holding on by a thread.
So take you time, be a little selfish and enjoy Motherhood just a little more.